Straight to gay, back again?

Dear GDE

I went down the whole marriage and children route, but when I reached my mid 40s I couldn’t hack the charade any more,the marriage ended without much of a murmur, our children were at college and independent, and took the divorce well and my ex wife and I stayed friends even bought houses on the same street.

For the first few years I enjoyed all the gay sex and hi-jinx I could get and had a couple of short lived relationships, I  really felt good about myself.

Now I’m in my late 50s and the shine has worn off, my ex wife had remarried but is now widowed. Over the last couple of years we seem to spend so much more time together.  We are now grandparents and attend family events together, I feel like we are a proper couple, something that has eluded me for so long and I didn’t think was possible.

My libido has waned and I don’t feel the desire to be on the merry go round of random sex encounters, all I want it companionship and last night my ex wife admitted she always thought of us as soul mates, she kissed me good night and I felt that spark, something that I thought had gone so many years ago.

I feel very challenged, I haven’t been with a man for over a year and don’t miss it, what I miss is my wife and the simple pleasure of being together.  Do people go from straight to gay and back again?

David H



There is nothing wrong in what you are experiencing, you can be gay and have a woman as a soul mate, it doesn’t mean that you have to re-marry and go down the whole domesticity route.  If you are content then go with it.  

Many people go through the gay party circuit route, enjoy the wild adventures and the sexual exploits and then discover new interests, it’s very rare we do the same thing all the time we all evolve and try new things.  

Yes when there is uncertainty there is a desire to go back to an old flame to try and rekindle the previous magic and comfort, and this rarely works, when a relationship ends there is a reason.  However in your situation you have remained friends with your wife after the break up so the friendship is strong, you have shared family commitments so it is natural to feel the way you do, and there is nothing wrong in that.  Your sexuality is yours and yours alone, do not feel you have to be dictated to about how you want to live your life.


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